From the moment we met Enki, my husband and I were blown away by him
Written by Enki’s mum, Emily
Enki was born on 20 October 2019 before the world went crazy with the coronavirus pandemic.
From the moment we met Enki, my husband and I were blown away by him. He has enriched our lives in ways that are hard to explain. We opted out of any tests of any kind, preferring to let nature take its course. Although we were aware there was a chance of our baby having Down’s syndrome, because of my age, it made no difference to us. We were just looking forward to meeting our baby boy or girl.
He was born a little early. My waters broke five days before I went into labour and the medics were very keen to induce me a day later. I declined as I had a feeling he’d be along when he was ready so they gave me five days’ grace. Enki decided to enter the world the night before my time was up… thank you Enki, you legend.
Matt (my husband) and I had elected to use hypnobirthing. We attended a course together during my pregnancy to learn all the techniques and it worked wonders for us. Being strong believers in mindfulness and meditation, this seemed the natural option. Once my contractions were three-minutes apart, we were told to come into hospital. I had wanted a home birth but due to the fact my waters had broken early, the medics were worried about the risk of infection. Though the chances of it were very slim, it was better to have my baby in hospital. The staff were amazing, so kind and caring and they followed my wishes to have only Matt and one midwife in the room with me.
Within four hours Enki was born. I had only a few puffs of gas and air before he flew out like a wet fish into my husband’s hands. Hypnobirthing helped so much, focussing on being calm, breathing and being in the right position to suit both myself and Enki. We made a playlist which helped me focus and brought me a sense of wellbeing. The song playing as he entered the world was ‘Release the Pressure’ by Leftfield, what a song to be born to!
Enki was passed to me and I held him chanting, ‘My baby, my baby’ over and over again while crying tears of joy. Nothing prepared me for the profound love I felt for him. Gazing at him, I said to Matt, ‘Welcome Enki to our life.’ We had tentatively thought of this name and, on meeting him, it felt totally right Enki was one hundred percent his name! Weighing 6lb 5oz and so tiny in my arms, he found his way to my breast quick smart and fed for 45 minutes. We had a couple of blissful hours just the three of us before a doctor came in to check him. I was so grateful for this bonding family time.
The doctor noticed Enki was breathing a little fast and had a bit of fluid on his lungs, this is common in new born babies. The doctor looked at me saying, “Do you notice anything else?” I searched wildly, looking first at Enki and then to my husband for help. Neither of us could see anything. The doctor added gently, “Look at his ears and eyes, do you notice anything?” I could feel myself panicking as I didn’t know what he meant. I floundered around, “Well, he has a bit of a cone shaped head?” The doctor replied, “That is common with new born babies, look again.” I searched again, “Um…. Does he have Down’s syndrome?” The doctor then said, “I believe so, yes. I didn’t want to say, “I’m sorry” as if it is a bad thing because it isn’t. I wanted you to come to this conclusion yourself.” I respected the doctor for this. I felt confused at the time but now I understand why he handled things that way.
My initial reaction was to cry, I had just given birth, had a few hours of ultimate joy and now my baby was going to be whisked away. I was not crying because he had Down’s syndrome as I always knew that was a possibility, but it was because I worried for Enki. Millions of thoughts rushed through my head. Had I made his life difficult? What would it be like for him at school and such? There are horrible people in the world, how will I protect him? I’m an older mum, what if I am not around long enough? My silly brain went straight off miles into the future worrying about ‘what ifs.’ I realise now those feelings are the same for any new mum.
Enki was whisked away to intensive care to help both his breathing problem and slight jaundice. He needed lots of tests and rest. Each time I visited him in intensive care, the song, ‘Wires’ by Athlete would play in my head. I placed my hand inside the plastic box and laid it on his chest, I quietly sang ‘Baby Mine’ (this had been on the playlist we made and I used to play it to him in the womb). Every three hours, I visited to feed him and sing to him. As I softly sang, his little body wiggled as he held my hand and his head turned to the sound of my song. We stayed in hospital for a week as some of my placenta had been left inside me (that is another story!) and also it is usual for a baby who has Down’s syndrome to stay in hospital for around five days.
We married the day after leaving the hospital and a seven-day old Enki and two witnesses were there with us while we said our vows, it was beautiful having our little baby boy there. So, this is Enki so far in a nutshell.
On to the current day. Enki is nearly two! ‘Baby Mine’ is still his top song and always makes him smile and brings comfort. He can say lots of words and babbles all day long. He can nearly walk and can pull himself up to standing and side steps around tables, chairs, mum, dad anything that is Enki standing height! He currently crawls at the speed of light. He makes us smile and laugh a thousand times in a day.
When my maternity leave ended, I wanted a job where I could be with Enki as I want to enjoy every second I can with him, but thought that was just a dream. Then I was invited to become a child minder’s assistant. I am so grateful to be given this opportunity. Going to work is a joy. Working with a variety of young children in a happy environment, I love it and Enki does too. He watches and learns so much from the other children. During the lockdowns and all that has followed, he’s been with other children and has not been isolated. He is a very sociable boy! He smiles and waves and points at people everywhere he goes. He has touched so many people’s hearts as he truly radiates love and happiness, his smile is infectious!
There is too much misinformation, ignorance, negativity and unconscious bias about babies who have Down’s syndrome, even some doctors and nurses use terrible wording. For example, ‘the risk of’ instead of ‘the chance of.’ I also dislike people saying, ‘They’ instead of ‘someone with Down’s syndrome’ to me. Saying ‘They,’ separates people with Down’s syndrome from people without the syndrome, we are all human beings. It also suggests that everyone with Down’s syndrome is exactly the same, that is so very far from the truth.
I don’t know what I would have done in these crazy times without Enki. He has been a godsend and I really feel we have been blessed with an angel. Both my husband and I say we feel he chose us to be his mum and dad, as he knew we’d do right by him and love him unconditionally. We are privileged. If anyone was to say to me, ‘Would you have Down’s syndrome taken from Enki if you could?’ My honest and heartfelt reply would be, ‘No I would not because then he wouldn’t be our Enki, we don’t want to change him, he is perfect in our eyes.’
Emily has started writing a blog called Enki’s Adventures
