Push Yourself

What on earth was I doing - I was dangling out of an aeroplane, 12,000ft above where I wanted to be. I was strapped to an instructor but in my mind this didn't mean I was safe, I knew this was it, I should never have thought the plan up, the panic and fear was overwhelming. Then we surged forward out of the plane. Those dreams you have as a kid, when you fly round like a bird - they are dreams and not real, this was reality and we were falling to earth at 120mph, a speed called terminal velocity which seems such an unfortunate phrase!

I was screaming, shouting, crossing anything I could, millions of thoughts rushing through my head but the overwhelming one was, shouldn't the parachute have opened by now?! The instructor tapped my shoulders, as he had told me he would, and the canopy opened.............all was quiet again and I could calm down before the landing and enjoy the ride down under the parachute. I had only gone and done it !!!! I was convinced I had done the right thing, but why, when I am scared of heights, was I jumping out of a plane to raise money for charity? That's the easy part.

29 August 2007 is a day I will never ever forget. Nikki and I had a daughter (well technically I just held her hand) but anyway, Abbie May Longmore was born by Cesarean section and it became apparent very quickly that things were not as we expected with our little sweetheart.

Abbie is our first child and throughout the pregnancy we never gave 'complications or problems' a second thought, everything had gone so well. I wasn't even too concerned with the cravings we both seemed to have for takeaways and the side effect of ever expanding waistlines ! It was all so exciting, we had all the standard tests, scans and even paid for an amazing 4d scan during the pregnancy. We were never told of any issues with the pregnancy, which was great, it was only in the last few weeks that we discovered this baby business can get serious. According to the doctors, Abbie didn't seem to be growing as well as she should inside her mom and there were worrying patterns on the baby heart monitor, all of which meant an emergency Cesarean was the only option. Nikki has an overwhelming fear of needles, so to hear the word Cesarean did nothing for her blood pressure (which they were monitoring so she could come home prior to the operation!). However, I was convinced she was fine, just a bit short like her dad and everyone was worrying about nothing. After all this was the real world, it wasn't a silly soap opera, nothing happens to us, its always someone else. As far as we were concerned - all the way up to the point we heard our baby cry for that first time, she was just going to be early and therefore little.

Its hard for me to recall that day without stirring long forgotten emotions. I remember Nikki said to me as soon as she saw Abbie - do you think she looks like she has Downs Syndrome? Its extremely hard to put on paper the feelings that surged through me at that point but the feeling of being happy and ecstatic with my perfect little girl were abruptly halted. I had thoughts like, my life is over, how would I cope, what would I tell people.....................maybe the doctors are wrong - I mean, they once told me my wrist wasn't broken, and I knew it was - an X-ray and an arm in plaster sorted that one out. So I know they aren't always right. This time they were. Trisomy 21 was confirmed through blood tests and the rest as they say is history.

I am sure a lot of people reading this will agree that coping with the shock is not an easy thing to explain to people. Surely they can't appreciate what you went through? Of course, they are concerned, and they do help you get through hard times - but at the end of the day, when no one is there, it's just us and a baby with DS. For some time, maybe a few months, that was my mindset. When people came round to congratulate us, I was sure they just wanted to see what Abbie looked like. I never saw a resemblance to my ugly mush in Abbie's cute little face, I couldn't even see Nikki (not for the same reason!). All I could see were the features associated with Down Syndrome. After I had learnt about DS and how to identify it, that was all I could see, the line across her palm, smaller hands, etc. Now however is a totally different story - people say time is a great healer - how true is that saying ! I usually look at Abbie now and think that I cant even see anything to do with DS, I even wonder how people seem to know when they see Abbie that she has DS.

Everyone reading my experience will have a different story to tell and all of them mean something to someone. Abbie is now 14 months and is my little angel. When I think about the future I still hit a wall of fear, not for me, but for Abbie. I suppose that was the main reason for me doing the skydive. I challenged an irrational fear and beat it. Why should I be fearful of the future for Abbie? She will be her own person and although I know she will have challenges to overcome, she will confront them head on just like I have and I hope she will be able to do anything she wants to. If ever she is afraid, I will show her the pictures of the day her dad jumped out of a plane to prove nothing is as scary as you first think, you can do anything if you put your mind to it.

Abbie's first birthday was the prompt to book the skydive. Not only was it quite a personal thing for me, I also needed to do it for the reasons explained above. It is a fantastic way to raise money for charity and I managed to raise around £1,500 to be split equally between The Downs Syndrome Association and Birmingham Children's Hospital Cardiology Unit, which I hope will make other children's lives with DS that little bit easier.

Think back at what you have overcome so far on your journey of being a parent to a child with DS. Jumping out of a plane is a piece of cake !

Adam Longmore, Parent Member